The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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