1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
