ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
