Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
