i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
