"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm eating all of the evidence.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You need Xanax blowdarts
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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