life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
