dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
