last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
