and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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