Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
