I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
