I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
