Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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