ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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