So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
it's like heaven, but drunker
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
