if only i could text you this smell
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
