It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
