I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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