someone threw a dead crab at me
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
