He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
