Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize
