her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
