I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
