Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
