Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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