I'm jealous of your bromance
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
