first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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