four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
