forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
