I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
