no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
