i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
