My nipple is on Facebook.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
