He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
