He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
