Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
