I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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