I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
