my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
