3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
