i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
