i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
