i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
