ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
