do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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