You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
