My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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