just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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