She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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