Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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