you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
