All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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