I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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