I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
