everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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