So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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