mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
