i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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