Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
