I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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