I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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