This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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