I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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