I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
