omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
