Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
