Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
