I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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