so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
