The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
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If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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