I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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