oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
