all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
