yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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