I'm laying in your front yard are you home
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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